Tuesday, March 28, 2006

A (poor) man's guide to buying a ladies' sweater

No part of this blog is my own...I got this as a chain of forwards...loved it so much that thought it deserves a p[lace here

Sharath, can you get a sweater for me when you come to India ?
Why ? Don’t you get sweaters in India ?
No, just like that.
Okay fine. Will try. (As if "Just like that" suddenly made it more convincing!)
You know my size right? And I want a light pink color one.
Yeah, I kind of know how you look, can always make an engineer’s approximation ( you will discover what it is soon ). About colors lets see.
And hey, remember that for my sweater, you have to go to the ladies section.
Like I am that stoopid. Thanks for reminding anyway, you never know what would have happened otherwise. :)
And so I went. Over 1500 sweaters to choose from, laid out in 6 aisles in the mall.
Yeah, this is good. Probably what she wants. But this is a turtleneck sweater, goes right up till her chin ( or is it cheek ). But she has a short neck right –will it be okay? Or does she? I didn’t notice. Do I have her picture? No.
What about this one? Looks great. But is this her size? She is thinner than me. Well, most people are – so that doesn’t mean anything. Looks too small for her. But then sweaters are supposed to be tight and they stretch. So it must be fine. But does she wear tight clothes? Am not sure.
Forget about pink. Must look for some bright and bold colors. She probably doesn’t wear them though. But come on, she can try, one must experiment with clothes. (look who is talking). Yeah, this one is good ; narrow shoulders, so will look good on her. But hands look short. Does she have long hands? I don’t remember.
Okay, this one is lovely. Really soft texture and kind of light orange – somewhat similar to pink – approximately atleast. If not, I will convince her it is. Infact, this is Cashmere ( Kashmir ) sweater. How much does it cost now? Okay great, what do I have to sell to buy this one? No no, something else.
This has to be it - black and beautiful. Black is the color of the season, someone said. Actually no one said so, but I will tell her someone did ! What is this thread here now – does it go around the waist ? or the neck ? Or does it sit pretty around the hands coming from the back. I mean how is it worn – forget it, that’s her headache, she will figure. Oh..no…low neck – forget it.
This is white and black horizontal stripes. Will be cool – never seen someone with this kind of a design. But will this make her look like a zebra? What if people will walk over her in the traffic !
Hey, this has a cap attached. But then good for winters like Pittsburgh. Not for Bangalore. Should be fine. This has some fur around the neck. What if she is allergic to animal fur. Is there something like plant fur by the way? Why take the risk.
Taken me about 45 minutes and this is not going anywhere. Try something different.
Pick a number. 55. What is today’s date. Nov 25. 55 modulo 25, 55 divided by 25 gives 5 as reminder. Pick the 5th sweater to the right from the present sweater. Okay man, this is your sweater.
Morals of the story :
For men: Buying clothes for women is one great experience – if you haven’t yet, you must try – it’s a different world altogether and it gives you ample opportunities to try out new mathematical tricks to randomize your selections.
For women: We are glad that you not only do your own shopping, but actually can’t resist it!

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